I Will Forgive, But I Cannot Forget
It is not worth it, to live our lives harboring ill feelings for others and maybe waiting for the right time for revenge upon someone that has done us wrong. This is a dead end way of living life, besides most of the time it costs more time and effort to avenge a wrongdoing than to simply forget. In my opinion, the best way to get even is just to forget.
Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves! ~ Confucius
You often hear people say “I can forgive, but I cannot forget” Which is basically saying I will not forgive. Forgiving will save us from a life of anger and hate, which is the opposite of love. I mean let’s face it, most people have enough emotional baggage than to be adding to it with the feelings of resentfulness. Why carry the wrongdoings of others with us. We have to learn to stop dwelling on this type of thinking, It is not healthy to hold onto anger, hurt or pain, for this only robs us of energy and keeps us from Love.
Overcoming adversity through force is only half way winning the battle, but by overcoming adversity through love, is a complete victory. Let go of anger and resentment by writing a letter of forgiveness to a person who has hurt or wronged you. Inability to forgive is associated with persistent rumination or dwelling on revenge, while forgiving allows us to move on.
Let’s face it, we all have been faced with the challenge of whether or not to forgive someone. True forgiveness is putting an end to the feelings of anger and resentfulness towards another person or event. Now this by no means is condoning the bad behavior of another, but simply forgiving them and providing a consequence. ie. removing ourselves from a relationship, or filing a report with the police.
Forgiveness is a benefit to ourselves and not necessarily to the participant of the wrong doing. It allows us to let go of bad feelings, reclaiming our personal power and teaches us to look for positive opportunities in all situations. Practicing forgiveness takes time and effort, and does not happen overnight, as with anything of a self improvement nature. Learning to forgive can reduce stress, anger, depression, and lower blood pressure. Forgiveness is linked with higher self-esteem, better moods and happier relationships.
Forgiveness makes us recognize that ourselves and only ourselves are responsible for the way that we may feel about someone or something. Changing the way that we view a situation can also help in having a different outlook, and can help us overcome negative feelings. By seeing a lesson in all experiences allows us to move further On The Path. All of our life experiences provide an opportunity to grow and learn something, it is the very definition of Wisdom!
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness Sculpture in Coventry's Cathedral
A good way for those of us who find it hard to forgive, is to read about experiences of others who have been able to forgive after horrific experiences had happened to them. Some names that come to mind that will provide great Inspiration are Nelson Mandela, Victor Frankel and Imaculee Ilibagiza. These 3 individuals are great examples of people that have overcome anger and learned to forgive after horrifying experiences.
As we learn the trait of forgiveness, we will realize a positive change in the health of individuals, families nations and the World. Take Care my Friends.
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Comments
Your reflections are heart-warming. They remind people that forgiveness is always an option within reach. Its a question of choice and learning to transcend ego’s hold over you. One of the ways I taught myself to forgive myself and a specific group of people was to write a book from the a third person perspective. I never published it. That wasn’t my purpose. I simply imagined how Higher Forces viewed the whole thing and how each person benefitted from the humbling experience. It was part of my healing process, how I taught myself to rise above the destructive hold of my ego.
I have been awoken tonight by feelings bubbling up, of hurt from many years ago. I have realised tonight how much hurt has been locked inside. After imagining scenarios of how best to let the person know of the damage done I hit a dead end because each one spelt a negative existence for me. Then I thought of Mandela and a wave of relief to know of a better way… forgiveness. I have read before that he explained that if he had not forgiven his jailors, then he would still be a prisoner… this time of his own feelings. I got on the internet and was searching on Mandela & forgiveness and found your posting for March 8 ‘I will forgive, but cannot forget’. I particularly like the quote from Confucius. Your words ring true and are an encouragement to me Arnold. Thank you.
If we fill our hearts with hatred or thoughts of revenge we are taking the joy of life out of our own lifes. When others harm us or hurt us, we have to forgive. If we do not do this, or do not want to do this, we will remain at that particular stage of our life for ever, we will never move on. This we cannot allow. I believe the biggest joy in life is that which we haven’t experienced yet, that which is waiting around the corner.
As a South African I was very proud to see our Madiba, Nelson Mandela mentioned here.