Who Defines Beauty?
I’ve had the same dialogue with a number of female friends and I still don’t feel any closer to an answer. Women almost always seem to be complaining about body image and the pressures they feel to conform to society’s perception of beauty. This is entirely focused on outward beauty, though, and leads to such problems as eating disorders. Further, it seems to lend itself to a perception of beauty as something that one is born with or one lacks rather than as something that can be cultivated or fostered. The only way to “become†beautiful seems to be to visit a surgeon of some type to have something added or removed.
Now, as a male, I am often told by women “You don’t understand. You don’t have the same pressures that we do.†I think it is questionable whether that is completely accurate. Men are still judged often on their bodies – how much muscle they have and where, how attractive they are, their voices, the way they carry themselves. In addition, men are judged just as harshly on how they dress, how they style their hair, how much money they make…
I think that I could make a case for the amount of pressure that men feel based on outward qualities.
My question is why do we put so much emphasis on outward things and not as much on inward qualities? The one inward quality that I have heard mentioned repeatedly is confidence, which still has outward manifestations… and ties back to one’s perception of oneself and how we define beauty. I asked someone recently how I, as a male, could help women to perceive more of their own beauty. I was told that the greatest gift I could give was to be confident and reflect back the beauty that I saw. Which leads me back to how we define beauty.
What does it take to shift the perception of beauty from the outward form to the inner expression? And my real question, how can I help to encourage this shift? I’ve noticed that a lot of people here seem to really appreciate Miyazaki’s animated films (like Spirited Away or Howl’s Moving Castle). They depict a great deal of this expression of feminine beauty, and were still stories told by a male. It seems to me that there is a great deal that we, as men, can do to encourage the expression and perception of beauty even without any personal (direct) involvement. There is more that I can do than simply to serve as a mirror.
Personally, I’d like to call more people to join in helping to change the perception of beauty. We need to return the focus to inner qualities and stop buying into the image of the stick-figure model who needs to remain ill in order to remain beautiful. We need to encourage women to see their own individual expressions and creativity as beautiful. I believe that men can be every bit as active in this change as women, and perhaps even MORE SO. Here maybe my friend is right – if men begin expressing more to women that we perceive beauty as their own unique individuality and less in their outward forms, more in their expression of their inner qualities and less in how well they match the fashion magazines… maybe we can help to encourage women to see more in themselves. However, if we do not truly and fully believe that… if we cannot keep from turning our heads to watch as some outward expression of beauty passes… how can we, as men, truly convince women that they do not need to chase after something illusory? Ask any woman why she spends so much on clothing or makeup and see what she says.
Hokkaido Japan Spirituality \\ spiritual, beauty, holistic health, self help
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Comments
I think I might have to agree w/ those women…there are some very very ugly men who are successful. Also some who are rich. Many who are even famous. But when it comes to women? Looks definitely play a bigger role.
Look at Donald Trump’s gorgeous wife. If an ugly woman were as rich as he, would she be able to marry a much younger male Calvin Klein model? Without him cheating? I can think of many old ugly men with beautiful younger wives, but not one example of the reverse situation. No matter how hard-working they are, women still need to feel pretty in order to feel lovable. And it might not be untrue.
I don’t know that anyone can make a definitive statement on this subject, especially someone who knows so little about dress. I notice a couple of things though in looking at some women’s magazines. They were almost all about looks. We already know of men’s interest in looks, and women seem the same. It’s also seems that we’re entering into a new era that has slightly different values. I do know that ones real self esteem comes from an understanding of and connection with the inner person. A shift in the way we think is what all the hoopla is about with Quantum Physics and the new thinking, a connection with our inner self through intuition. Not self consciousness, but thought consciousness. It seems the right brain has all our self esteem and confidence, not to mention happiness and understanding. It seems that a better relationship with our mind brings a connection with other people and ideas also. Not something I would think up, it’s just happening to people including myself. It seems to bring, besides the above experiences, a sensitivity to, among other things, the inner person of the people we meet. We can’t stand people who have not ‘evolved’ in there perceptions. The good news is that it’s happening spontaneously as more people get tired of all the dishonesty. The ‘real’ world is looking more and more unreal and unprofitable to deal with. With your radar working you can spot the compatible person easier and from intuition, lets call it a mature perspective, have a lot of choice as to partners with little interest in most of them. You seem to have the ability to spot a quality person intuitively across the room insteaad of you nemisis. We worry that no one is available, but it turns out that we can’t see them. What a wonderful new world if we can. Who would have thought? Everyone is getting there, so we’ll soon be all on the same playing field, though the sooner the better. Then everyone will be beautiful. I have to add, it’s not a theory, it’s my experience of what’s happening. I can only explained what’s happening to me and apparently others by the paradigm shift they are talking about.
I don’t know if I’m interpreting Herb’s words correctly (correct me if I’m not), but I am in agreement that many people are shifting to a new way of thinking that places values on attributes other than looks. (And more who have never focused on the superficial too much.)
My main point is that in the dominant culture, looks are important. They do matter in terms of how one is treated, how one gets paid, etc. And they matter more for women than men. Charles noted that as time goes on, they begin to matter for men more. I think this probably has to do with corporations realizing that if that type of culture arrives w/ men as well then many new “markets” will open up. Maybe it is beginning to even things out between the sexes (a little), but I agree it’s in the wrong direction. I’d rather have everyone feeling equally comfortable w/ their bodies than equally uncomfortable and self-conscious.
Good discussion going on on this blog!
I experienced the beauty syndrome as only ballet can present it. All the regular stuff (except bust size, you pray for none)plus long neck, short waist, long legs, narrow hips (like boy’s), high arches, square toes (better for balance), long arms and a pretty face.
The day I was accepted into the National Ballet School of Canada I found out my neck was too short, shoulders too wide, arches too low, legs too short, etc., etc., and I wondered why I was accepted. Somehow I was way ahead of the rejected…..nevertheless I plunged into the life. I watched others become anorexic, and if I had ever heard of bulimia god knows I might have tried it.
A teacher who saved me spiritually in my last year of training was an acolyte of a Tibetan Buddhist teacher - I think he is still in a Tibetan community in central Ontario, Canada. She delivered the exact inspiration I needed to stay in the field. In fact, two days before I left Canada to move down here I went to see Nemjal Rinpoche speak, on one of his occasional visits into town.
Now I live in LA, the ultimate beauty culture. If I feel not good enough I just meditate…..